What's in your Ditch Bag?

I had made this for some friends about ten years ago, then found it for Ocean Dreamer to add to his Ditch Bag list.  Its a bit tongue-in-cheek.  I updated it a bit for modern technology...

Ditch Bag Items

• EPIRB (cause the USCG like everyone else only uses technology these days)
• PLB (cause the Coasties think only one emergency beacon is a false alarm)
• Streamer (to float on the water so they find your body)
• Life jackets (to keep the ditch bag floating - and you)
• Flares (for a false sense of security)
• Laser flare (to actually signal someone)
• Cell phone (hopefully you have time to grab it and put it in a dry bag)
• VHF radio (in a bag, to call for help since your cell phone is wet)
• WX radio/world radio (to listen to music while trying to survive)
• GPS (to know what no one else knows - where you are)
• Water proof bags (for each piece of electronics you actually might need)
• Water bottles (for that life saving liquid - rum)
• Food bars (cause its bad to drink on an empty stomach)
• Head lamp (to find the rum, and signal the Coastie who is busy texting on his cell phone)
• Signal mirror (to annoy passing pilots and boat operators)
• Compass (so you know which way home might be if you were only drifting that way)
• Charts of the area (so you can be sure you are drifting the wrong way)
• Exposure suit (to keep your skin from getting all wrinkled)
• Strobe light (to keep beat with the music at night)
• Batteries (cause all the ones in your electronics will most likely be dead)
• Bailer (to keep your dinghy dry - if you remembered to untie it from the boat before it sank)
• Hat (Cause sunburn sucks)
• Sunglasses (might as well be comfortable)
• Sunscreen (shark repellent)
• First aid kit (for the boo boo you got when you abandoned ship)
• Long pole or boat hook (to poke sharks or retrieve stuff that floated away)
• Snorkeling mask (to see what is nibbling at you, or to watch the EBIRB or VHF sinking in to the depths)
• Water shoes (to walk home across the reef you just hit)
• 20 feet of 3/8" line (to tie your wife or other valuables to you)
• Four 6 foot 1/8" lines (to tie stuff together so you don't need the long pole)
• Crab pot floats (to tie to stuff that might sink - like everything in the bag when you open it)
• Cash (cause if you are lucky enough to be rescued, you'll need cash to buy food so you don't starve)
• A bathing suit (Cause your clothes are still in your cabin)
• Waterproof camera (so you can take photos and make millions after you are rescued - or at least update your Blog)